Decisions
by addictivetendency
Summary: A married Okita Sougo makes a decision to pursue Kagura, his first and only love. WARNING: might be offensive to conservative people.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, guys! I'm back again. I'm sorry if I can't do the OkiKagu family thing yet. I don't think I'm good with stories that lead to family yet. haha. But I'll try! So for now, I'll try mature, social problems, drama, and controversy for our couple. I'm really trying to broaden my genres and I'm not sure if all of you will like this story. But if you don't, please be nice haha.**

PROLOGUE 

She comes out of the convenience store holding only a pack of _sukonbu_. In another time, people would watch her carry more than two plastic bags containing the seaweed snack out of the store. They'd give her either puzzled or disgusted faces. But that was a different time, a different person.

Lately, Kagura had gradually lost her strange appetite for the putrid snack, as other people would refer to it, much to the storekeeper's surprise. The storekeeper had known her from when she was a little girl and she would almost always take all of the _sukonbu_ they had. But she was now twenty-two: an adult by the country's standards. Maybe certain quirks are also lost as you aged, the storekeeper thought. She would now occasionally visit the store to buy no more than three packs of the said snack. He had offered to give her more, on the house, but she would politely decline, saying she doesn't really want more. Another thing they had noticed is Kagura's usual route. From the convenience store, to go back to the Yorozuya, you'd have to go left, passing by the river with the wooden bridge. But lately, Kagura always goes right. If she was planning to go back to her house in that route, she would have to go around the whole street just to be on route again. They thought that it wasn't any of their business to correct her choice of route, and so they decided to not speak of it to her. They simply though that maybe she passes by at some place there.

Kagura opens the pack and chews on a piece of strip as she goes out. She hadn't noticed that she headed left instead of right. She was focusing on slowly eating her favorite snack. Yes, it was still her favorite. Only, now, she desperately tries to distance herself from it by buying smaller and smaller quantities. She had only noticed she went the wrong way (which was actually the correct one) when she passed by more than one of seemingly familiar stands and have come across the wooden bridge. And on that bridge was another thing she desperately tried to run away from.

Her mouth slightly opened, making a small O-shape on her lips, as she unconsciously gripped the pack tighter. Kagura felt her stomach churn and her feel somehow felt lighter. She had half a mind to run away, but she couldn't. It had been too long since she felt this way, and, oddly, she savored the feeling by tarrying in that place. The sandy-haired officer turned around slowly, as if he knew that she was there, and gave her that signature look she always hated.

"Long time, no see, China."

CHAPTER 1

Okita Sougo was married for about three years now.

It had been a very lucrative marriage. In exchange for money and connection, the Shinengumi had agreed to marry off one of its eligible members to the youngest daughter of a very successful businessman. His reasons, he claimed, that gaining political or government connections were very important in his line of work, and a way to achieve that is to marry of his children, specifically his youngest daughter to one of the Shinsengumi. Well, he was rich and he had a lot of children, so it wasn't much of a stretch for him to gain more connections, they thought.

But in the three years that he was married, unlike his father-in-law, he was not yet blessed with a child. Normally, a businessman would pressure his children to produce heirs so that the inheritance of the business would be safe. But in Sougo's case, he wasn't at all pressured by his in-laws. He guessed that his wife's father wasn't much of the caring type. He rarely came to visit them, always on business trips and meetings, but when he did, he would usually come bringing a favor to ask. He would ask Sougo to get him meetings with known government officials or ask him for an escort party that could safely guide his goods through Edo, for reasons he didn't really care to know about. And in those rare visits, the man would not ask them about their life or if there was any grandchild he was supposed to expect. Most likely, he really hasn't come across the idea of passing down his business to anyone.

Sougo's wife, on the other hand, was absolutely kind and definitely a caring spouse. She was the ideal spouse: knowledgeable in all household agendas, which wasn't really rare, in Sougo's opinion. He thought that everyone, including men, should at least know how to cook, do the laundry, and clean their own house. But she was definitely a caring spouse, if not a loving one. She would always ask him how his day went or if he needed another helping of the food she had prepared for him or always bid him farewell and good-luck every time he left the house. Indeed, she was the ideal spouse.

And that was all she was to him: a spouse. In the three years of their marriage, he had not come to develop any romantic affections for her. All the intimacy that had transpired between them through the years has not stirred any hidden emotion in him; or her. But it never really mattered to them. After all, they were in an arranged marriage. They were both practical, knowing that this couldn't be one of those cheesy dramas that had their same situation but would later develop feelings, what would they expect? Sougo knew better. As long as the money kept supporting him and the Shinsengumi and as long as her father would stop making her go through countless marriage meetings, they had no complaints.

But if truth be told, the only reason he doesn't love his wife is because he was still in love with another girl. Or maybe the reason why he still stayed in the marriage was just to spite the said girl. He had hated the very last time he saw her.

Since she had turned sixteen, something in Sougo had changed. He wanted her to give him a different kind of attention from the one she usually gave him during their petty fights. Somehow, he wanted her all to himself that even the thought of her living with the Yorozuya boss, without any other female companion, annoyed him. He resolved to being more lenient and more affectionate with her might catch her attention. He proceeded by buying her the snack she had always liked, or, rather, throwing them at her whenever they would encounter each other. She didn't really fight it, she simply caught the projectiles and gave the officer her thanks. And when other men tried to catch her attention or gave her looks, he decided that he would always escort her whenever she was out in the streets, whether she liked it or not.

And a year later, and when the marriage proposal for his wife came, she was the first person he looked for.

"So, China, what do you think it'll be like, being married to me?" he casually asked.

Kagura wasn't anything if not honest. Maybe harshly honest.

"What, you, a husband? Oh, god, that's the funniest thing yet. Well, first of all, the girl might develop a fear for the bedroom because of you." She joked. "I'd say it would look like a living hell."

"Come on, you give me too much credit." He replied.

"Your poor wife."

"Ha, she should be thankful. It's me." Sougo stood up from where they were sitting and slipped on his Shinsengumi jacket. "Alright, then I guess it's time to get married so we can find out."

"No one would marry you,"

"You'd be surprised how many would, China."

"I won't." she said, like it was a matter of fact.

Something in his chest ached. Two words managed to make him do something he hadn't really intended to do. When he got back to the compound, he immediately told his Commander and Vice-Commander that he agrees to the marriage proposal.

"Sougo, are you sure?" Kondou asked. "You don't have to do this, you know."

"We understand if you have a reason not to do this." Hijikata commented.

The words Kagura said flashed in his mind, and it made him more adamant in his decision.

"Don't worry, if this helps Kondou-san get more money for the Shinsengumi, I'll do it." He replied.

His superiors could only give him a look of pity. They couldn't figure out how he managed to come to that decision, but it was Sougo. They knew they wouldn't be able to change his mind. They gave back the reply and made all the necessary preparations. It wasn't a secret that the captain was to be married, although the ceremony was private, and everyone just gave their congratulations and wishes through the Commander. But it was all to the disappointment of everyone, even some members of the Shinsengumi. All of them had noticed the sudden change of Sougo towards Kagura and they had expected something new to come out of it. But out of respect for his decision, no one spoke, they just smiled and said they were happy for him.

Except for Kagura. Sougo was expecting her to intervene: make a scene out of it. It would have been more like her. But he never saw her after their last encounter, even after he got married, he would not see her for three more years.

 **END**


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

Three years, two weeks, and three days.

Sougo wasn't much of a patient man. If he wanted results, he would find ways to get them immediately. But Kagura had always been an exception for him. Even when the Yorozuya would find themselves in legal matters, the Shinsengumi had always made exceptions for them.

In the time that Sougo had not seen her, he would almost always imagine what she would look like right now: he imagined that she had grown her hair longer and that she doesn't tie it up in pig-tails anymore; he imagined how her eyes would be more refined now; and he imagines she would look more of a woman now. He couldn't blame himself, Sougo thought. She went without prior notice and it left a "Kagura-shaped-hole" in his heart, as Otae would put it. People would find him eating a pieces of _sukonbu_ from time to time but no one would think anything of it. Subconsciously, he was terribly missing Kagura. But his ego was too big for him to admit it and making him realize it would be very unwise, so no one commented on it. At one point, he didn't intend to, but he bought a dozen of the snack and handed it to his wife.

"What's this for?" she had asked.

"Don't you like those?" he replied.

He realized what he did and what he said but didn't speak, so he wouldn't make the situation any more awkward. His wife just laughed and said that she couldn't stand the taste. Sougo quickly gave a lame excuse how he secretly liked _sukonbu_ and he asked her to put it away, in case he had one of his cravings. His wife obliged.

But it didn't just stop with the snacks. Hijikata came in to work, on a rainy morning, sporting a purple umbrella that looked so much like Kagura's. Sougo didn't comment about it, people would surely suspect him of missing the Yato girl. But noon had come, the rain hadn't stopped, and Hijikata went out on his patrol using the purple parasol.

"China, I'm coming with you." Sougo had called out as he prepared to get up from his desk. But Hijikata didn't acknowledge the captain's mistake at first. The vice-commander just realized that the purple parasol maybe triggered some hidden emotion inside Sougo and decided he would dispose of it when he got off work later.

"Be careful that your wife doesn't make something out of that." Hijikata lazily said.

And that is what three years, two weeks, and three days has done to Sougo.

He tuned it out, of course. Everyone tuned it out as well. Anything remotely related to her, they tried to avoid. What would the people think of a married officer still moping about another woman? It would certainly be an embarrassment not only to him, but also his wife.

But, apparently, the others didn't avoid the topic of Kagura as well as they thought.

Sougo had noticed that lately they weren't inviting him to tag along with them on their nights out. They had stopped asking him a few weeks ago and failed miserably in trying to avoid the topic of drinking alcohol. He even tried to initiate the invitation but Kondou and the others nervously declined his offer.

"A married man shouldn't be out drinking in the Red Light district!" Kondou reasoned out.

"But I'm with you guys. It shouldn't really be an issue." Sougo replied.

"Well, any rumor that could compromise the Shinsengumi's agreement is an issue, you know. Besides, you shouldn't keep your wife waiting at home!" Kondou sheepishly said.

But the fact that Sougo didn't know was gnawing at him. He absolutely _had_ to know. If history says anything, it's that Sougo would do almost anything for information, whether it resulted to him ending up in pain or somebody else.

And so he followed Kondou and the others one night as they headed for Snack Smile.

As soon as his co-workers entered the establishment, Sougo hid himself outside a bar in front of Snack Smile. He couldn't risk getting caught, lest his superiors would force him to go home again. He just stared at the entrance, watching the faded lights dance as it hit the doors. It made the captain think; why were they here? It was normal for Kondou to always loiter around and disturb peace her, but it was rare for Hijikata to come to a place like this during his free time.

He entered the bar, getting past the bouncers without a hitch, which was odd. Maybe it was because of his uniform. No one seemed to notice him yet, but as soon as he descended the mini staircase, he found the Yorozuya group, along with Kondou and a few unfamiliar faces, huddling around someone.

"You've really grown up, Little Lady!" Kondou said, in a cheerful voice.

"She's not little anymore, she's turned into a monster! There're too many curves!" A cat-faced woman interjected.

The group only talked about praises about how "the girl had grown up" and how they had missed each other. Sougo was still standing on the staircase, he was afraid of who this person was. He held on to the marble support of the staircase, feeling a bit week in his knees. He was about to approach the group when a hand stopped him by hooking his arm.

"Sougo," Hijikata said. "What are you doing here?"

Sougo fumbled for words, without looking away from the group. He wanted to see the person in the middle of them. The Vice-Commander's grip became tighter, trying to pull him away to the entrance, but Sougo's persistence was commendable.

"Your wife, Sougo." Hijikata said, with a commanding voice.

Sougo must've shown Hijikata the wrong expression because the Vice-Commander was surprised when he looked at him. To Hijikata, Sougo looked like a child. His eyes showed longing for someone and apathy for everyone else, which Hijikata never thought he would see in the captain, being the "sadist" he is. As his last resort, Hijikata offered to accompany Sougo home, just to make him leave.

But Sougo was still looking at the group. And as luck would have it, Shinpachi and Otae separated from the group. He felt like someone was squeezing his chest, the scene was taking his breath away far too early.

The space revealed a very mature Kagura, with her hair down all the way to her waist. Something he had imagine long ago. Her eyes were more than what he expected; more than refined. It became sharper, adding more accent to her slimmer, more contoured face. But the last thing he didn't imagine about her was her change in wardrobe. She was now wearing a _cheongsam_ much like her old one, but it was now white and the frog buttons were red. It still had the same slits, sleeves, and she still wore her black boots.

 _She's very beautiful_.

He didn't know if it was his mind the complemented her or her other friends in the group, but nevertheless, it was still true. He snapped out of his daze when Hijikata called to him once more.

"You know why you shouldn't be here, right?" he asked.

Sougo just clicked his tongue. "I'm fine by myself. I'll head out." He started. "Don't tell anyone I was here."

"Got it. Go."

He made a final turn to look at her once more. Kagura was still smiling, but for some reason, Sougo was sure she was smiling at him.

 **END.**

 **Sorry for the late update! I got a bit lazy haha. Anyways, for those asking what I wrote about the warning, well, we all know where this is going (a married okita and a single kagura, you know). I mean adultery isn't the most popular genre there is haha. I was just considering what the readers will see, and some people might get offended with the idea haha. Also, I can't say right now if there's going to be a happy ending or not : but I thank you for all your supportive reviews and how you guys are interested in this story! I plan on making this a really heartbreaking story (if I can haha). So, until next time, dear friens!**


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